Your sex life – just like exercise, nutrition, and stress – needs close attention in order to remain fresh, vibrant, and exciting. But, over time, sexuality will evolve. Physical, emotional, or even mental changes will happen likely making your sex life…different. Acknowledging changes honestly and openly, will help keep this important part of your life from shutting down completely.
Men and women go through different changes
Simply growing older leads to sexual changes. Both men and women have their own unique changes that can alter sexual satisfaction. Men, for example, will not be the same energetic guy at age 25 compared to age 65. Not only do energy levels drop, but add to that a lower libido and possibly erectile dysfunction. These changes often make men more self-conscious and anxious about sexual performance.
Women, on the other hand, also have noticeable changes from their youth to maturity, especially after menopause. Vaginal dryness making sex uncomfortable to weight gain can affect a woman’s body confidence and desire for sexual intimacy.
What does this mean for couples? Well, it likely will result in hurt feelings. Men may mistake a woman’s lack of interest in sex as a personal rejection or that their partner no longer finds them attractive. For women, they may want more intimacy but hesitate to initiate sex for fear of sexual pain or how she perceives their looks.
Moving your relationship to a new level
The best way to renew and revive a sex life on life support is to reconnect with open communication. There’s no other way to get to a new and much-improved level than having a frank discussion talking about sex. Just like when your parent had a sex talk about the birds and the bees, now that you’re older, it’s time for a different type of sex talk.
Here are suggestions on starting this conversation to reaching a happier and healthier sex life:
- Keep your conversations positive – Talking about sex with the intent of salvaging your love life, is not always easy. Feelings may get hurt, words taken the wrong way, and suddenly the blame game is being played. Instead, start each conversation by expressing how you miss the physical closeness you’ve shared and want to regain that back. Or show interest in how your partner feels about what could be improved and ways to do make it happen.
- Start dating again – Remember when you first met and the early days of your relationship? There was excitement, joy, and fun in spending time together. It’s not too late to rediscover that time but in a new way. Do something you’ve never done together before. It might be taking dance lessons together or taking a spontaneous overnight trip somewhere new. Sharing new adventures helps bring closeness and more awareness to what attracted you to each other to begin with.
- Focus on sensual aspects of your relationship – Sometimes we believe that a good love life is all about sexual intercourse or sexuality. Not true. A robust sex life must first begin with sensuality. Here’s the difference between the two: Sexuality includes physical intimacy such as intercourse but also self-image, self-esteem, body image, and your concept of love. Sensuality relates to the body and the senses. It means bodily or sensory pleasure shared together but not necessarily sexual.
Examples of sensuality include watching a sunset or taking a warm bath together; having a quiet dinner in a special place; surrounding the bed with candles; or listening to your favorite music.
- Mix up your routine – Doing the same thing over and over again during sex, get’s old quick. To spike interest, do something different. Experiment with foreplay by giving each other a massage or having sex in a different room of the house. Even simply talking about ways to change up the usual routine, can be fun and exciting.
Dr. David Samadi is the Director of Men’s Health and Urologic Oncology at St. Francis Hospital in Long Island. He’s a renowned and highly successful board certified Urologic Oncologist Expert and Robotic Surgeon in New York City, regarded as one of the leading prostate surgeons in the U.S., with a vast expertise in prostate cancer treatment and Robotic-Assisted Laparoscopic Prostatectomy. Dr. Samadi is a medical contributor to NewsMax TV and is also the author of The Ultimate MANual, Dr. Samadi’s Guide to Men’s Health and Wellness, available online both on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. Visit Dr. Samadi’s websites at robotic oncolo gy and prostate cancer 911.